Judgemental!

Ow!

How it hurts to be called judgemental. Yet when I'm honest with myself the hat fits. And the Bible agrees:

 ¹ You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. ² Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. ³ So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Romans 2:1-3

So when am I guilty?

Whenever I judge someone.

When I condemn people for theft and am lazy at work. When I look down on people for sleeping around when I'm struggling with lust.  When I think my doctrine's perfect and wonder how can others believe such strange things.  When I know exactly what someone is struggling with and just how to fix it. 

¹ “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

   ³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.  Matthew 7:1-5

But thank God for Christ.  The one who will judge us is a friend of sinners.  He didn't consider Himself too holy to be with us but came to Earth to save us.  He didn't tell the Samaritan woman (John 4) to sort her life out and then come back.  No.  He offered her living water: eternal life and the Spirit. He offers us the same. He gives us His spirit to change our hearts where our problems really start.

So I pray that God would change me so that I'm not judgemental.  That when I see others struggling with sins that I won't become proud that I've 'got it sorted', as if my efforts can change my heart, but I'll point them to Jesus the one who can truly help them.

Whitewashed tomb!

 ²⁷ “What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs—beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity. ²⁸ Outwardly you look like righteous people, but inwardly your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness. Matthew 23:27-28

Much as I hate to admit it, I fear that I too can be a whitewashed tomb.  As a Christian, I know the things that please and displease God and, perhaps more so, I know what other Christians expect from me.  So I make my behaviour meet these expectations and become a whitewashed tomb..

Surely fighting sin is a good thing?  Yes it is, but if all I do is alter my behaviour my deepest problem remains:

²⁰ And then he added, “It is what comes from inside that defiles you.²¹ For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, ²² adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. ²³ All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you.”

Mark 7:20-21 

If my heart doesn't change then all I've done is painted over the problem.  I become proud that I've achieved x,y and z and judge people who haven't.  This is the best I can achieve with my own efforts and it's not good enough.  I need Christ. Only Christ can change my Heart.  Only He can cause me to desire Him above all else.

Repentance must start in the heart and work outwards.  My desires need to change first and then my behaviour will follow. When I value Christ above all else then the temptations that I face seem less attractive.  When I realise that my heart is the problem then I won't beat myself up for giving into temptation (though there's still no excuse to sin) because that failure is just a symptom of my problem.  When I realise my heart is the problem I know that any change in me is by God's grace.

There's no room for boasting.

2010 - the year just gone.

This morning was the first day back in the office after the Christmas break and my optimism for the year ahead faded within thirty minutes: I'd maxed the memory on the maths department server and flicking through the current form of my thesis left me daunted by all the work I need to do.  So what's better than to spend the evening blogging about 2010?

Struggles
Feeling like I've made almost no progress on my PhD all year.  I can't think of anything clever to do and am left with a brute force method that maxes out my computers memory.  Trying to work out what God wants me to do with my life after my PhD. Struggling with lust. Wondering if all the CU evangelistic activities and my prayers are producing any fruit.  Wondering if I'm doing too many things. Wondering what I should be doing.

Highlights
Milking Cows and hearing the radio say it was currently colder in the U.K. than in Alaska. Walking to St Martha's in the snow. Flying for the first time. Running up Arthur's seat before breakfast and staring over Edinburgh. Two new leaders my church's youth club. Traveling to Turkey to see five of the seven churches of Revelation. Becoming an uncle. The team on Life 2010 and running along the sea front in howling wind and torrential rain.  A wedding in Jutland. A trip to London Aquarium - sharks are cool. Five new kids, without connections to the church, joining the youth club.  God providing a job for my girlfriend and keeping her employed. My sister finishing her degree.  More snow.  Building an igloo (some determined friends, 2 recycling boxes to compact snow into, and... 4 an a half hours of hard work). My friend passing his PhD and getting a postdoc position. Running in the snow.  Spending time with my girlfriend.

So what have I learnt?
God has blessed me in lots of ways despite all the things I'm struggling with. I'm not very clever.  I'm a terrible procrastinator.  Relationships are important.  I can't do everything.  I can't know everything.  Christ is central to everything.

That 2011 is going to be a challenging year.